Colorless
by RevolutionChick
Summary: MMPR. Oneshot. Set during Missing Green. Tommy spends time reflecting after losing his green ranger powers, and comes to a conclusion.


_**Colorless**_

Some time away, he said. A month or two at his uncle's lake was all he needed, to be free from the stress of his parents and the pressures of his surroundings, and most of all - his former teammates. Some time away to reflect on his life, to wonder what he was going to do now that he had no powers to protect the city, and to recover from the horrible past year that scarred him deeply.

Truth was, all Tommy wanted was some time away from _himself. _As the days went by, though, he began to realize that being all alone was only doing the exact opposite of what he wanted.

He wanted to forget about his friends and the pain of knowing he let them down; but every morning when he woke up, they were in his thoughts. He wanted to ignore the fact he had spent the past six months being a hero through thick and thin, but when swimming through the lake, the slight salty taste of water merely reminded him of his precious Dragonzord.

Tommy struggled greatly to just put everything behind him and find a new place in his life, yet he'd wake up in a cold sweat during the nights to feel the echoing pain of his powers being stripped from his body.

He wanted to get away from everything, but everything seemed to welcome itself right into his life.

By the second week, his uncle's lake was no longer friendly and welcoming. The cabin was cold and lonely, and the water ripples in the lake were screaming for him to jump in and never arise to the surface. Even the silence he so longed for was beginning to kill him, his own sighs becoming strangers to his ears.

Tommy knew he wanted to be with them, despite the clear fact he had run away the moment summer had started. He missed the noise and the laughter in the youth center, and his pointless attempts to teach Billy karate. Hell, the more time that went on, the more he began to miss Bulk and Skull's dim-witted antics.

But going back to Angel Grove right now wasn't an option. He couldn't confront everything yet - not the faces of his friends; surely not the fact he would never be teleported into the command center again - and most of all not knowing he'd come back as the same person he was now.

No, Tommy put it subtlety when he told everyone he needed to get his thoughts together. Because today he stood as a lost boy, a teenager no longer knowing his place in the messed up world he lived in. And going back to let everyone see him as that person simply wasn't going to happen.

So, a few more weeks went by. He had created a simple routine of living - sleep until the stroke of noon, eat, swim, martial arts, eat and sleep again. It wasn't much to take his mind off things, but just enough to keep him from going insane.

It was the end of the first month when something didn't feel right. The low pit of emptiness that filled his stomach was replaced with a whole new emotion, one he didn't think he'd care to feel any time soon.

Concern.

Tommy began to think of Jason a lot more, to the point where he couldn't bother to focus on his martial arts anymore. There was something that had gotten to him, a feeling he knew could only be felt towards someone he truly knew, and truly cared about.

Way before he had ever left, Jason spent days agonizing over how he couldn't recover Rita's candle – the mere flame that could've saved Tommy from losing everything. Everyone could see how distracted he had become, and regardless of how many times Tommy had told him it was okay, Jason continued to go on feeling responsible.

There was no doubt inside of him that right now, the person he considered to be his brother was drowning himself in his own heap of emotions; ones that didn't bring a smile to his face.

It was the first week during the second month of his stay that Tommy brought out his notebook. He would stare at it all through breakfast, but try to avoid its own glare during dinner. A part of him craved to write down everything for his friends to read, to show them he was still alive and he was going to be okay.

But Tommy was never one to be a blunt liar.

They just didn't understand, no matter how many times they tried to console him. Everything had come so easily for the other five; it was all given to them right in the palms of their hands.

For Tommy, things were so different, in ways that not even Zordon could try to relate to. His power, his _color_, was forcefully thrown in his face with no way to accept the path chosen for him. It was stay and fight the evil, or leave knowing he had turned down the opportunity to make things right after what he did.

And that was one of Tommy's biggest issues with the others. Never did he have to second guess his love and friendship for them…but at the end of the day, he had to earn his title as a Ranger. Every battle, every cry for help, he would prove to not only them, but himself, that he could make up for the mistakes he made when evil. Having been given their power coins with a choice to stay, the other five didn't have to prove anything. They just had to do their job.

Once again, the foreign sound of his own sigh had filled Tommy's ears. He sat outside, somewhat enjoying the nice weather and cool brisk the day had to offer, however none of it kept him from his thoughts. The pen and notebook laid in his hands once again, an empty white page looking at him with questions of if it was going to be used or not.

Maybe Jason needed to hear things more than Tommy refused to let them out. A slim possibility in his eyes, but one he couldn't stop contemplating on. He wasn't so selfish as to not consider the others in their own need of help…it was just the fact he had to finally walk away to deal with his own for once. Never would that stop him from aiding anyone though, and Jason was no exception.

So why was this so hard to do? A pen, a notebook, a head full of thoughts - he had it all. If there was ever a time for regretting something, now _wouldn't_ be it. He had nearly died more times recently than he could count; he shouldn't be afraid to let out his feelings to someone he trusted.

And there it was. It dawned on him slowly, and not as painfully as he expected it to. Sure, he trusted Jason – the guy was his bro – but that didn't mean he couldn't keep things to himself.

He wasn't going to lie and say he wasn't hurt that the green candle wasn't retrieved in time. He was. And he wasn't going to say the last few battles with the Rangers weren't pure hell and excruciating for him; because they were.

Tommy no longer felt his place anymore, or anywhere he went because of what had happened to him. If it was destined for him to be a Ranger as long as he was, the acceptance would be easy for him. What was not going to keep him from staying up all night, though, was wondering what could have been if that haunting candle was in the command center instead of somewhere on Rita's floor.

Pointless thoughts, he considered them, and a waste of time to deliberate on anything related to such. It was nearly two months he had been alone on his uncle's lake, and within that time, Tommy simply came to accept his days as a Power Ranger were over.

There were no more reasons to stay up past curfew, making sure he was ready if his communicator went off. And there were no more reasons to open his closet and grin with dignity at the rows of green. No, in fact, Tommy knew his plans when he got home. There was a wonderful good-will shelter near by that could enjoy his handful of green shirts and pants, shoelaces and hair ties.

He sat where he was today, the sun shining lightly on his face and a pen still locked in his fingers, wearing clean white. It was all he wanted to wear, truthfully. He didn't have the right to pick from the other colors, knowing where they stood to another Ranger's pride. He was safe this way.

White was colorless. It wasn't red or yellow, or even black. It didn't belong in the rainbow. You can't mix anything with white to get another color, just a lighter shade of what you already have.

White was a painful sign that he had accepted his fate and was colorless to the morphin grid; stripped of what he had before. He started to pick outfits now that contained his 'new color,' a color that kept him in place. He no longer stood green next to the others.

He was colorless.

It was why he had the sickening feeling for the past few weeks about Jason. He knew deep down inside, the team and Angel Grove needed a colorful leader to keep them safe. Through-out it all, his ability to stay vibrant in the toughest of situations made him a true leader, even as he watched one of his own fade to gray.

Tommy felt as if he was nothing but a liability towards the team in his last few days, anyways. He was just another person in the crowd, the only thing that gave him a shine of difference was his friends. Whether they made him blue or pink, or mixed to gray; with them he had a bit of color.

Knowing there was no reason not to anymore, Tommy threw open the notebook and sat up straight as his pen scribbled across the paper.

_Dear Jason,_

_I know this is a little late, but I'm writing to you guys to let you know I'm okay. I miss you guys a lot, but I need this time to get my head together._

_Jase, go win that golden pipe trophy for me. I know you can do it. You're a winner, always have been. _

_Look, I don't blame you for what happened. I never did. Just keep your head together…the others depend on you._

_So I do._

_We'll see each other again soon._

_Your friend,_

_Tommy_

It was as simple as that. He felt deep down inside that he was one step closer to repairing himself now. He would send the letter out tomorrow morning, and hopefully sleep well tonight.

In the mean time, he had one more month to go until school started up. And then he could go back with a clean slate –a blank palette ready to be painted on.

Not even he knew where he would be taken from there.


End file.
